How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
a search helicopter?!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
