Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
