and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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