Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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