I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
