I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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