I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
