All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
