Have you finally orgasmed yet?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
