I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
