He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
