we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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