Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
