I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
