dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
as a side note pls kill me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
