Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
