Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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