i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
