Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
