I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
COCAINE IS GR8
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
