East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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