oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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