Just mADE A PArabola og urine
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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