My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
