have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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