I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize