He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize