My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
