I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
