so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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