every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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