I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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