My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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