My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
