I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize