I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
