I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
