I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
