I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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