a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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