doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
