why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
