I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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