My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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