plz talk dirty to me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
