Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
