If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
