I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
