Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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