oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Mom said you looked used
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize