He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
